Morbius. Quick Review. (Spoilers)

Let’s get this one out of the way. Sony’s ill-conceived “Spider-Man without Spider-Man” universe continues with a film that’s been sitting on the shelf since pre-pandemic times. Its lead actor is fresh off giving one of the worst performances in recent memory in House Of Gucci as well as being a general easy target/Hollywood punching bag. Surely this screen adaptation of the comic character no one asked for is primed to be one of the worst of the year. Morbid curiosity is certainly what got this writer to sit down and give the film something of a chance. Was it as bad as feared?
Yes and no. As a film, Morbius is both exactly what In the know viewers might expect and much more than that in all the wrong ways. The first act is uneventful enough. An entirely derivative po-faced origin story that’s been chopped to the bone in the editing room. Large swaths of what feels like it might have been an extended first act have gone walkabout. Then after the origin of our living vampire antihero, things go decidedly off the rails. Hilariously overdramatic speed ramp focused editing, CG that’s incoherent and looks borderline unfinished. Unbelievably muddy visuals don’t help. Unlike the first Tom Hardy Venom where there are moments where it is genuinely laughed out loud funny in a so bad its entertaining way. The first half of the film is so dreadful that it will be hard to recommend the film to ironic viewers of the feature. The least interesting thing about the final product was its initial red flag. Well, Jared Leto’s performance isn’t especially good it’s nothing like as embarrassing as what might be expected. The continued media circus around his particular style of “ method acting” continues to suggest the performances he gives on the screen will be just as insane and salacious as the way they reported. This is decidedly not the case here. Well, Morbius is terrible it’s not Letos fault.
Morbius is both exactly as bad as expected yet not consistently amusing enough in a so bad its entertaining way to be entirely recommended unless viewers want to skip to the second act. That said the fact a studio of Sony’s clout and influence let this final cut out into the world says something about how desperate they are to cash in on the Spiderman brand. When the film develops into a gloriously incoherent high camp disaster it’s entertaining as hell in all the wrong ways. Then there are the two mid-credit scenes. These are an inclination of just how desperate Sony are to sell this disaster to an audience. Any sane executive would look at the way Marvel reacted to the venom 2 mid-credit sequence in Spider-Man No Way Home and leave the appearance of Michael Keaton’s Vulture on the cutting room floor. That said the studio is so desperate to hold on to the one valuable IP they have and its new connection with a much broader more popular hub of that IP that they will use whatever scraps they’re allowed to make their leeching offshoot seem more inherently watchable. This is regardless of whatever slap they might get from their larger and more profitable parent company.
Mobius is roughly half the embarrassing disaster viewers might have expected. Unfortunately, the other half of the film despite the presence of one of Hollywood’s favourite punchline bags in the lead role is mostly quite dull. Whether experiencing the half of the film is somewhat ironically enjoyable is worth it for some viewers remains to be seen. Even for marvel completionists or fans of Sony’s misbegotten attempt to leech off the Spiderman IP, there’s very little here beyond the pathetically desperate mid-credits teases.
2/10

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